It used to be said that deep thoughts were things that make you go, “Hmmm.” Sometimes you’d get a little more excited and things would be like, “WHOA!” I don’t know if it’s the fact that everyone is much more excitable nowadays, or possibly hiding behind the keyboard has caused people to over accentuate all of their emotions, as the keyboard has nothing to imply depth of character. (Emoji’s don’t count!) Either way, the following WTF thoughts are sure to blow your mind and leave you wondering “W T F’n F is going on here?”
1. NSA’s Facial Recognition Technology:
I don’t mean to incite any paranoia induced conspiracy theories or anything, but… Well. It’s definitely a possibility. Hope that comment doesn’t get me put on another stupid watchlist!
2. Artificial Intelligence Overlords:
I can almost hear it now, all the Amish would be pleading with the Overlords, “What did we ever do to you?” Excuse me for my lack of translation to West Pennsylvania Dutch.
3. Bill Gates:
80 Billion Dollars? For real though? It’s almost like my hundredaire status doesn’t even matter in this equation.
4. Are You Sleeping:
Well, technically, ‘NO’ is the only correct answer. But, at my house, “I was until you decided to be frickin annoying!” is also an acceptable reply.
5. Bigger Bone:
This simple statistic is going to leave a great feeling of relief with a lot of you men out there! Look at you, you’re the cock of the walk. Hold your head high knowing you’re in the top 50 percentile!
6. Early Warning System:
It seems you’re only running out of the tissues when you absolutely need them the most! This early warning system is actually quite brilliant!
7. Donated Blood:
You know, I really don’t want to know where the blood I’ve donated has gone, or where it is currently. If my blood is pumping hard through someone else’s veins, then it was used as intended. Hopefully my donation was well received!
8. According To A Study:
Yeah, people are going to use this one when they don’t have any statistical information or hard evidence to back up their BS story. It’s kind of like when someone starts a sentence with, “I’m not going to lie…” You can pretty much tell from the get go, that they’re full of it! And if they’re not, why would they feel it’s necessary to preface their comments with such a disclaimer?
9. Inefficient Way Of Saying Six:
That most definitely is. This must come from people with insecurities causing them to overcompensate by attempting to sound intellectually superior. I don’t think it’s working for ’em!
10. The Less You Notice:
The more pixels there are, the less pixels you notice. I’ve never really noticed. And that, you can assume, is precisely the purpose of the pixels!
11. Babysitters:
Teenagers adulting so adults can do some teenager-ing… I’d say that’s some inception stuff, but I really don’t even know what that means.
12. Move Ticket Sales:
TRUTH! I feel so cheated right now. Do you think that the motion picture industry is actually just going off of the monetary value so that all they have to do to create a new blockbuster is to raise ticket prices?
13. Clinton’s Revenge:
Oh Hilary, you silly, silly lady! First things first. If you would have been doing your job in the first place, Monica couldn’t have slithered her way in there. Besides that, I’m pretty sure that if she’s going to have an affair in the oval office, she’s going to have to pay someone. That sounds like a little too much scandal to handle.
14. Killer Roommate:
You think everything is fine between you and your roommate until, all of the sudden, someone has a psychotic break… Sounds like the spider and man can be easily interchanged with most men and women cohabitation scenarios.
15. Noses And Feet:
Noses run. Feet smell. You park in a driveway. You drive in a parkway. I really think that the creators of the english language may have had a drinking problem.
16. Incorrectly:
I had to read that one a few times, and it may have hurt my brain a little, but I think that is correct.
17. Dating Apps Are Crap:
I guess the way that most people date isn’t that far off from the online dating method while on the pot. I mean, most people are seeking a replacement while they’re vulnerable. When are you more vulnerable than when you’ve dropped trou to do something disgusting?
18. Wealthy Nigerian:
The struggle is real! Legitimate business opportunities are tough nowadays!
19. Popeye Is A Drunk:
All evidence points right to it. My childhood was a lie. What really hurts is how many real life Popeye’s I’ve met and never noticed until just RIGHT NOW!
20. Matrix Wireless Networking:
HO LEE CHIT! Please excuse my while I go upgrade my wireless security! I don’t need no NEO’s up in here wrecking the place!
21. Your First Scar:
Congratulations on your journey. We’re going to welcome you with a slap, a clamp, an abrasive rub down and then a snip. Don’t worry, that cord looked ridiculous anyway!
I’m sorry that I had to do that to you… but some things can’t be unseen. The only thing I could think of was to go ahead and share these WTF thoughts with all of you! After all, misery loves company, right? I’ve got a very sneaky suspicion that these thoughts and ideas are going to stick with me for quite some time, especially when I clear my mind and finally try to get some sleep.