When I was a kid, we lived in a pretty bad neighborhood and I had no idea! Living in an industrial area where three or four inhabitable houses remain on the entire street was all that I knew, at the time. The functional railroad tracks were only a stones throw away, even for a four-year old, but that’s just the way it is, right? What we are going to do today is introduce you to a bunch of humorous warning signs that you are most definitely in a bad neighborhood. While most of these photos will make you wonder what’s going on while they take a crack at your funny bone, some of these pics are downright scary. It’s quite atrocious that some of these things are needed in these bad neighborhoods.
1. Little Tikes Chop Shop Starter Kit: You’ve got to teach them young if you want them to get ahead in today’s competitive workplace.
2. Bullets For The King: Apparently when they say they’re going to make it your way and the display screen isn’t showing the right order, bullets are going to fly.
3. No Murders For 36 Hours: That’s like a day and a half! Pat yourselves on the back, Detroit!
4. This Place Is Unbeweaveable: Either this place sells absolutely amazing fake hair products, or someone hired Elmer Fudd as a marketing consultant. “We gots so much hares, ders no mo’ wascawy wabbits! Bahahahah!”
5. Locked Up Hoopty: With such a comfortable custom seat, there’s not a doubt in my mind that if it wasn’t locked up, this gem would be a prime candidate for a hoodlum’s five-finger discount.
6. Free Watermelon: Shoot, all I gotta do is sign up for a credit card? Fo’ reals?
7. Oh How The Tides Have Changed: New store policy, for anything with a value of over $5, it is now mandatory that an anti-theft device to be installed.
8. No Money Out Of Undergarments: Oh my!
9. I’ll Cut You: You better not wiggle or talk too much when you go to this barber shop. They’ll cut you!
10. Diversion To Steal Your Shoes: Pretty clever thief right there! I mean, diversion has, like, three syllables and a whole bunch of letters.
11. 2 Gold Teeth: They’ve got their phone number and a quality sign, so they must be a reputable dealer. Plus, they spelled teeth right.
12. Shopping Cart Spinner: Those tire swings that spin are a thing of the past. They’re dangerous. This upgraded version keeps the kids from flying out if you spin it too fast. As a bonus, it doubles as a playpen if you can’t afford those portable ones for the little tikes!
13. Gynacologist: If a spray paint sign isn’t indicative enough of this person’s level of professionalism, take into consideration that they can’t even spell their specialty correctly. I don’t know of any woman who would want an amateur playing root-rooter down there. Leave that stuff to a reputable professional!
14. Mobile DNA Testing: The sign says it all, “Who’s Your Daddy?” I couldn’t have said it better myself. This is a surefire sign that there’s going to be a whole lot of baby momma drama up in this ‘hood!
15. Questionable Ice Cream Man: Proceed with caution, people!
16. Beer And Wine Back To School Savings: Beer and wine, back to school. Wait a minute! How bad is the education system in this community if the kids have reached legal drinking age before graduating?
17. No Shooting For Celebrations: There’s got to be a pretty decent problem if they’re going to post signs about it. At least you can assume that the crime is going to be down in this neighborhood. It’s obvious that the homeowners are packin’ heat!
18. Black And Nobel Ships To Prisons: For me, a book store with a spelling error on their sign doesn’t instill the most confidence. On top of that, if their greatest selling point is that they ship to the pokey, you just might be in a bad neighborhood!
19. Drugs Sold In This Park Are Of Inferior Quality: Um, thanks I guess. I think that I would much prefer that NO DRUGS were being sold, especially around the children in the park. But, at least I know I can get the good stuff down the street!
20. Meth 4 Sale: Just in case you’re new to the neighborhood and you need a little smokey smoke, all you’ve got to do is follow the signs.
21. Theft Is Off The Rails: The people in this neighborhood have got some mad skills. None of that low-level hub cap jacking, these guys are all about going big or going home. I’m not so sure about the resale market of used locomotive parts though.
22. Neighbors An A-Hole: I think that if that was really a good reason to move, about 90 percent of the homes in the nation would be up for sale! Face it people, not everybody is as perfect of a neighbor as you!
23. Bullet Proof Pizza Place: When the employees at the pizza place are more shielded from the customer than most banks, there’s a pretty good possibility that you’re in a pretty terrible neighborhood. I’ve seen a lot of things, but this is not one of them.
24. Weddings By White Castle: When you take that big step and finally tie the knot, you want the nicest venue available. I’ve got a feeling that this is not what she meant when she said she wanted her wedding to be in a “white castle.” Nice try though. I guess she can never claim that you don’t listen to her.
25. Gold 4 Ya Mouth: I mean, if you have numbers and ‘ya’ as part of your company name, you might as well take the ghetto all the way!
26. Outlet Lockbox: I bet this is the absolutely best smelling box in the whole hood!
27. Incarcerated Stick Figure Father: I don’t know if I’d be more concerned with the incarcerated father or the 11 kids! Perhaps, jail time was the only way for this man to get some peace and quiet?
28. So Called “Rooms”: I’m a little frightened to ask, but why is “ROOMS” in quotations? Is it like a Harry Potter room under the stairs?
29. Car seat: You know you’re in a bad neighborhood when they steal the seats out of your car and you have to resort to using the chairs from the kindergarten classroom.
I’m still a little confused about how that freight train got jacked. It’s not a big deal for someone to leave a car sitting on some cinder blocks after stealing the tires and wheels, but all of the components under a train are missing. That’s got to take some serious skill and planning, or a whole lot of nerve. Either way, I wouldn’t want to live in a neighborhood where this is a common occurrence. If you’re one of the majority that lacks a whole lot of common sense, I really hope these photos can serve as helpful information to keep you out of the bad neighborhoods. For those that were blessed with common sense, I hope that you found the photos amusing and entertaining.