Being a new parent can be the most challenging and rewarding experience of your life. You are going to be learning with a new fragile life. Luckily your baby won’t remember any of these things.
1. Buying way too many newborn diapers.
Babies grow so much faster than we realize. Its not uncommon to have a pile of newborn diapers after your little one has grown to the next size.
2. Using the too small diapers on your baby anyways.
They can only hold back the tide for so long.
3. Clipping the tip of your babes finger while trying to trim their nails.
This will surely lead to you giving yourself the “I’m the worst parent ever” speech leading to a promise of a pony for your baby.
4. Letting your baby play with your phone without setting it to guided access.
Within less than 2 minutes you will have lost all your apps, you will have 137 pictures of the floor in your photo album and have sent “asdhfaiasd343)(” in a text to your boss.
5. Letting your toddler push the shopping cart.
Absolutely adorable until they drive directly into the pyramid of vodka bottles.
6. Buying that cute designer diaper bag.
It may look great until you stuff in all the diapers, wipes, toys, formula, clothes, snacks and a lot more into it. Then you wish you went with the bigger bag.
7. Getting pregnant because you didn’t realize breastfeeding isn’t a foolproof form of birth control.
Oh yay, Irish twins.
8. Poking your sleeping baby to make sure they’re still breathing.
Now your baby is wide awake and showing you it can breathe just fine….. and scream its head off also.
9. Forgetting to pack your baby a change of clothes.
This typically happens when your kid decides to wear all their food and have explosive diarrhea.
10. Holding your baby in the air after feeding.
You don’t make this mistake twice.
11. Putting a recently potty trained kid in the car without making them go to the bathroom first.
two options: either find a bathroom within 30 seconds or watch your kid do an impression of the kid in Billy Madison.
12. Forgetting to cover your boys penis while changing a diaper.
I believe they aim for the eye. Every time, the eye.
13. Leaving a drink within reach of your little one.
Might want to buy a carpet shampooer.
14. Worrying when people offer to help with your baby.
Remember most people that want to help have way more parenting experience than you.
15. Staying up late for no real reason after your baby has gone to sleep for the night.
You’ll see how fun that was in the morning.
16. Buying waaaaaaay too many baby clothes.
Yes they are adorable but unless you want more costume changes than Britney Spears during a concert realize that you have plenty.
17. Accidentally bumping your baby’s head on the doorframe as you carry them to bed… or car when you put them in their carseat.
Now you will be reminded for two weeks every time you see that goose egg what you did.
18. Leaving home only to realize you don’t have enough diapers.
This will happen on the days when you’re visiting the mother-in-law. Prepare to be judged.
19. Laying your baby on the bed for one second.
And the dive to save them from rolling off.