I’ll admit it, I have issues. It only took a couple of joint ventures to the grocery store before my girlfriend was kind enough to take over the shopping duties. Granted this was only after she saw how time-consuming and tedious it was for me, and she realized it would be faster to do it herself. I’ve always had trust issues and I have to compare price to content of similar products. I’ve got to make sure that I’m getting the best bang for my buck, while making sure that the companies aren’t pulling a fast one on me. Below you will find some of the guilty culprits that have created my overwhelming trust issues by straight up lying to my face.
1. 2 Candles: Or three, whatever. At least you’re getting more than you pay for with this particular product.
2. 24 Hour Protection: Okay, wait. If I have to use it twice a day, isn’t that really just 12 hour protection? Or am I doubling up on my oral disinfectant?
3. 100% Juice: Hold up, 27% is a far cry from 100%.
4. Arizona – An American Company: Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with our neighbors to the north, but is it an American Company or a Product of Canada?
5. Baked With Care: Apparently the elf definition of care is a little different from mine. Dude, you burned my cookies.
6. Bed, Bath & BS: Why you gotta lie and pretend you have all those towels folded to perfection? This is an unattainable feat that I could never hope to duplicate at home.
7. New Bigger Size: Well, there’s a Lay’s special bag of lies.
8. Boneless Chicken: Technically. Well, kinda. Um, no. That doesn’t work for me. It’s not chicken, it’s a bowl of eggs.
9. Caramel Onions: Really? Who’s the prankster that came up with this one? That’s not cool.
10. Climbing Rope: Seriously. If it’s not suitable for climbing, why is there a picture of a guy climbing on the label?
11. Easy Peel: So easy a child could do it.
12. Electric Fence: Maybe its me, but I’m thinking this is highly unlikely.
13. Fingerprint Resistant: Kinda makes you doubt everything else on the label, doesn’t it?
14. Half Cup O Noodles: You know, I was thinking I paid for a whole cup of noodles.
15. Hot Dog Buns: They don’t quite look like I remember.
16. Ketchup: Something about the yellow container and the yellow liquid coming out the top tells me that someone may be mistaken.
17. Made In China: China? Really?
18. Tasty Muffin: Oh man, you tricked me again. Who does that?
19. Chock Full O’ Nuts: Just kidding, it’s only coffee. Who named this company?
20. Not A Door: Are you positive? Please tell me what it really is.
21. Out Of Pretzels: Why do I get the feeling that they’re being a little less than honest?
22. Perfect Panty: I guess things that are titled ‘perfect,’ shouldn’t make an appearance in the discount store.
23. Photoshopped Hyatt Brochure: Either this was photoshopped or I’ve got to get my eyes checked.
24. Turn Your Kitchen Into A Pizzeria: It didn’t work last time, either.
25. + Calcium: Once you + the milk you + the calcium. That’s my only explanation.
26. Push The Red Button: Maybe the guy that installed this sign was colorblind.
27. Left Or Right: Left is right and right is not right, right?
28. Snickers 2x: You can cut the candy bar in half and get almost the same result.
29. Strawberries: Ah, the rare, seedless, round strawberries. Delicious.
30. Sugar Free: I can’t even wrap my head around this one.
31. This Bag Is Green: Maybe its environmentally friendly.
This goes to show that you can’t trust anyone.